Finding a Wedding Dress {part 3}

((Also not "The Dress"))

1. Your reaction to "The Dress" will depend on who you are.
I never cried over the dress or had this big sappy moment; I just giggled a lot and got bouncy and excited. I didn't have an "ah-ha!" moment. I had to think about it, but the more I thought about it, the more I knew that it was my wedding dress. I knew because that entire day, I kept looking at pictures of myself in it on my phone and smiling. J would ask me what I was smiling about, and I would say, "The dress." After this happened about ten times, I think we both knew this was it.

All those wedding tv shows (though very entertaining) make it seem like if you don't have this specific reaction, then the dress isn't "The Dress." I worried that I was missing something, but when I thought about it, I'm not the kind of person to bursts out crying unless it's a sad video about a cat or I'm hormonal. When I think about marrying my best friend and getting to hang out with him for the rest of my life, I get excited and I get giggly. What better reaction could I have in a dress than to feel happy and stunning and giggly?

2. Trying on dresses is exhausting.
I heard about those women on "Say Yes to the Dress" who didn't want to stop shopping because it was so much fun, and I think they are literally insane. I probably tried on 40-50 dresses, total, and that was more than enough - and this is from a girl who actually loves shopping. I don't know how many calories I was burning, but it's exhausting in a myriad of ways. You're stepping in and out of dresses every few minutes, some are really heavy, some are tight, and all the while you're trying to emotionally wrap your head around the idea that you might get married in this dress.

I tried really hard to try on a lot of different kinds of dresses, but by the end of my last appointment, I was making an active choice to not try certain dresses on because it just wasn't worth the effort to get in and out of them.

3. Bring snacks!
My mom brought granola bars along to every appointment, and I was so grateful for her foresight. Granted, eating them during the appointment probably isn't a good idea, but eating something before or after (or both) is a lifesaver. I was completely wiped after every appointment, and I desperately needed fuel. Going out to lunch or dinner after is a great option if your appointment ends around that time (you'll be ravenous), but if you're not that lucky, having those snacks will keep you going and make sure you're not getting hangry.

4. Keep an open mind.

I came into dress shopping thinking I had everything figured out: I wanted a tulle, sweetheart, A-line dress. It was what I liked all over Pinterest, it's what I liked on wedding shows, and it's what I was drawn to. I thought that because I had figured that out, dress shopping would be more about finding THAT dress than opening my mind to new styles. I was wrong.

Of my two favorite dresses (including "The Dress"), neither is tulle. Neither is sweetheart. It just so happened that A-line was a flattering shape on me, so I lucked out there, but neither dress is something I ever pictured myself in. And while one or two of my top four choices were tulle, sweetheart, A-line dresses, if I hadn't been open-minded enough to continuously say, "Sure, why not?" every time someone asked me to try on a new style, I never would have realized that maybe I wanted (needed?) something different.

The dress I bought isn't at all what I pictured myself in over the past year or so, but it's absolutely perfect and absolutely me. I'm so glad I gave it a chance!

5. Make your own decisions.
The first time I went shopping, I went with my mom and grandma. The second time, in Iowa, I went with my mom, J's mom, and J's sister. I was the most stressed out when I was trying to please other people or when I felt like they wanted me to like a dress that I just couldn't like. I want to please my family, so it was hard for me. When I finally tried on "The Dress," I was still trying to figure out if I liked it better than the other dress in Boston, and I wasn't ready to let go of it. My mom, Jeanna, and Jill all told me how much they loved it and that it was their favorite, even over the prior dress... but they didn't force their opinion, and that was really important to me. They ALL let me think it over, gave me their opinions when I asked, and let me make my own decision about whether or not it was "The Dress." It meant so much to me, and when I did make the decision, I knew it was because I loved it - not just because my family loved it.

6. Have fun!
It certainly doesn't need to be a stressful experience! Sure, I got overwhelmed once during shopping, and that's okay. Despite what J might say (hehe), the dress is important. At least it was to me. But just because it's important doesn't mean you can't enjoy yourself when picking it out - in fact, you should! You're picking out what you're going to wear when you vow, in front of your friends and family, to love, cherish, and be true to your partner for the rest of your life. I was so excited the whole time, because I got to think about marrying J over and over again.

People sometimes make "The Dress" out to be more than it is, because yeah, it is just a dress in the scheme of things... Is it the end of the world? Nope. Do I still wanna look good on that day? Of course. It's just about finding a balance - a balance between understanding the importance of what you're actually buying, and understanding that it's okay to relax and enjoy yourself during the process!

Do you have any tips for dress shopping? Did I miss anything?

Finding a Wedding Dress {part 2}

In the month or so after our first dress shopping experinece in Boston, I kept thinking about this one dress I had tried on at the loft, and I was convinced that it was going to be "The Dress." However, we had one more appointment back in Iowa over the week of J's graduation. To be honest, I agreed to go, but I was pretty convinced I had already found "The Dress" and really saw this trip as a way to appease my mother more than anything. I came into Schaffer's Bridal in West Des Moines trying to keep an open mind, but pretty doubtful that this was going to be anything more than a fashion show for my mom, J's mom, and his sister, Jillian. A fun, giggly fashion show, of course.

There were definitely some dresses that caught my eye, and I felt nice in all of them (again, except the ones that couldn't fit over my butt). There were even some that were contenders - almost at the same level of the dress in the other shop... And then I tried it on.

It was a dress my consultant had picked out. It was undoubtedly beautiful, different, simple, and complimented me perfectly. I felt like myself in it, except I felt like the most beautiful version of myself. It fit my pixie cut. It was a sample dress that was being sold as-is, so it was marked down about $1000 from it's original price and totally under our budget. It fit perfectly. There were a few tiny snags on the bodice, but otherwise it was in perfect condition. I didn't want to take it off. I kept twirling around in it and saying, "I am so pretty!" like a complete fool. It was perfect.

I'm the kind of person who needs to sit and think on a big decision, so I decided not to make a decision that day. Because it was a sale dress, they couldn't hold it for me, which meant it could be sold to another person and I would have to buy the dress brand-new, with no discount. Back in the car, I told my mom that I wished it had pockets, and she told me that adding pockets was a super easy fix if that's what I really wanted. I agreed, and we went out to lunch with Jeanna and Jillian. We drank champagne and I started letting go of the prior dress in my heart. I decided that night that this dress was "The Dress," called Schaffer's, and left a message with them that I would come and pick it up in the morning.

The next morning, my dad and I headed out to Schaffer's right when it opened. I told him in the car that mom and I had discussed giving the dress pockets, and he agreed that it would be an easy fix. When they brought the dress out for us to look over, it was even more beautiful than I had remembered. My dad asked, "Does it have pockets?" I kind of rolled my eyes and said, "No, Dad, the dress doesn't have pockets," but the lady who brought it out answered, "Actually, it does." My jaw about hit the floor. The dress already had pockets. Apparently we just hadn't noticed the day before, but it felt like fate.

I had been nervous about seeing the dress again. Would I love it as much? Would I be disappointed? Even before I knew it had pockets, I was giggling when I saw it again. It was just as beautiful as I remembered - maybe even more so! The hard part now is waiting almost a year and a half to actually wear it (and keep pictures of it hidden from J, haha).

How did you know it was "The Dress?" How many places did you go to before you stopped shopping? Were you surprised by your dress choice?

Finding a Wedding Dress {part 1}

((Not "The Dress," but a favorite))

Just a few months after we started dating, J and I started talking about marriage. We weren't sure that the institution was for us (we were considering just being partners 'fo life), and I told him that if we didn't get "married", I still wanted two things: a party, and a dress! Obviously our views on marriage changed, and on July 10th of last year, we decided to get engaged!

Basically since that moment, my mom has been asking me to go wedding dress shopping. I kept telling her no, because at the time, the wedding was still more than two years away! I was also aware that "the dress" was one of the things I really, really cared about, and I didn't want the experience to go by too fast.

Finally, over Christmas break, I agreed to let my mom and grandma come up to Concord/Boston and go dress shopping. And by "agreed," I mean I was desperate to see them. :)

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In certain ways, wedding dress shopping was nothing like I anticipated. In other ways, it was everything I hoped for and more.

I admittedly watch way too many episodes of "Say Yes to the Dress," so my views of dress shopping were heavily influenced by that. I thought that when I found "the dress," I would cry and be a total mess and have sparks and butterflies. I was worried that because so many brides on the show had body image issues and felt fat in dresses, I would too.

The first store we went to in Boston was BHLDN. I've been obsessed with BHLDN since I found out about it a year or so ago, so I was convinced that I would find my wedding dress there. I had a lovely time, tried on some beautiful dresses, and had two favorites that I thought could be definite contenders. I didn't cry, but I got excited about marrying my best friend - which is, in my opinion, a better reaction! I genuinely felt beautiful in everything I tried on, which was a huge relief for me and really set the tone for the weekend. We left with those two favorites in mind, and I thought how this process could actually... dare I say it... fun!

The next appointment we had was the same afternoon, in this little loft space in Beacon Hill, Boston. It was like walking into a dream - it was a loft space, painted all white, huge windows, lots of light, and of course, wedding dresses everywhere! I probably tried on 10 dresses, and while I couldn't fit my butt into several of them (story of my life though), I had so much fun! The owner had a flower crown you could wear with the dresses, and it totally set the mood. Like at BHLDN, there were two dresses that really stuck out to me. I didn't cry, but I was getting more and more excited about this process. 

I now had four dresses that I really liked, which was comforting to me rather than stressful. In my mind, I now had four dresses that I could pick from and be perfectly happy! What a great position to be in!

My last appointment in Boston was in this upscale bridal salon downtown. I was hesitant to go to that one because of our budget, but my mom convinced me that it would be a fun experience to try on really nice dresses and I caved (because pretty things and because moms). I had an actual consultant at this salon, and I explained that I wanted a fun dress: something kind of quirky, comfortable, and, well, fun! I told her I wanted an A-line dress, but that I was open to trying on new things. She kind of stuck up her nose when I told her we had been to BHLDN, and I got the impression that she didn't get me or what I was looking for.

I probably looked the best in all of the dresses we tried on there. The problem was, I wasn't feeling any of them. They were all on the verge of being ballgowns, and while all of them were gorgeous (and made my waist look teeny tiny), I literally felt nothing in them. Everyone kept looking at me like they were waiting for me to have this moment... and I just wasn't having it. I felt uncomfortable, the dresses were all too expensive for how I felt in them, and I kept thinking about the other dresses I had tried on at the other store in downtown Boston and how they had made me want to marry J and party all night long...

Did you have a similar reaction at any of the places you shopped at? Were you (or are you) worried about not having the right reaction or about not looking good in dresses? How did you know when you had a connection with a dress?