Friday, April 19

Dear Jezebel


Dear Jezebel,

I love you. I really do. I've been faithfully reading up on your hilarious views on society, feminism, douchebags, religion, and some weird stuff that I can't remember right now but that I'm sure was equally hilarious. Because you are hilarious, and I love what you do.

There is one thing that you do, though, that I don't like. I don't like that you pick on sorority girls.

Here's what I find when I search, "sorority" on your site: CLICK. 

Indiana Sorority Girls Attend Totally Cute Homeless-Themed Party

Crappy Tweets From the Deranged Sorority Girl's Deleted Twitter Account



Seriously, these are just a few of the articles that come up. There are some positive articles: Apparently there is a cool "Jewish Sorority Girl," and a Greek Council doesn't like sexual assault. Those were all the positive articles I could find on your site.

Granted, a lot of the stuff that comes up is regarding fraternities, but I'm not really okay with how you portray them either. Literally everything that comes up about fraternities is negative.

Have you ever been to a fraternity with an open mind? Have you ever joined a sorority? Have you ever hung out with sorority girls? I remember reading the very last article on the list last year and cringing; That particular author was vehemently against Greek Life throughout the entire article, yet at the end says, "Well, it wasn't that bad, but it wasn't for me."

No "sorority girl" is sitting here thinking, "BUT BUT BUT NOOOO. Greek Life is for EVERYONE and if you don't join MINE you're a FAT BITCH."

Seriously, I promise you this.

But just because something wasn't for you doesn't mean you should go out there are call us:
  • Materialistic
  • Superficial
  • Bimbos
  • Petty
  • Mean
  • Followers
If you tried, you could find a hell of a lot of articles about sororities and fraternities doing amazing things for their communities and other people. The Sigma Alpha Epsilon fraternity at Simpson College cleans up the highway every year as brothers. They go around to small town football games and cheer on the home team. All the fraternities and sororities at Simpson College participate in Campus Day, where we volunteer to clean up areas around campus and in our communities. My sorority reads to 3rd graders and exchanges pen pal letters with them. We put on a volleyball tournament every year to raise money for kids who can't afford books. All Greeks on Simpson College's campus volunteer their time and effort to help others.

You could read that being in a sorority gives us leadership experience. You could learn that Greeks at Simpson get higher grades than anyone else on campus, so we're not exactly bimbos. You could find out that we're typically very supportive and loving of one another, and if we're not, we're doing something wrong.

Jezebel, why don't you ever post about things like that? Why don't you post about Greeks making a positive difference in the world instead of how much sorority girls loooove Ugg boots (personally, I couldn't care less about what shoes my sisters wear). Why do you make fun of a pagent winner's struggles to keep up with sorority life? Do you know how much time goes into being a Greek member? Do you know how many meetings we have to go to, how many required events we have? Do you understand that having to leave for any reason could be painful?

Apparently you don't, and that upsets me.

I'm not trying to say that Greek people don't make mistakes. I'm not saying we should have parties with racist themes or sexually assault people in the bathroom. Obviously those people showed very poor judgment. It isn't fair to blame Greek Life for something a few members of a sorority or a fraternity did, and it's even worse to blame us without even trying to acknowledge that these people don't represent us.

Jezebel, every time you post another anti-sorority article, my love for you lessens a little more. I love what you do, but I don't like being badmouthed for something I didn't even do, or insulted for being superficial when you don't know the first thing about me. I don't like having my sisters, or fellow Greeks, scolded because other people made mistakes or other people are mean.

It's fine that your authors weren't in sororities, or didn't really fit in to the Greek system. I'm not upset about that; but why are you having them report or write articles on sorority life? Why not have someone with a typical sorority experience write about that?

If you'd like some positive sorority examples, I've written about it:

Seriously Jezebel, I love what you do. But you need to cut out some unfounded negativity towards my Greek Life families. I'm not cool with that.

43 comments:

  1. For every sweet, helpful sorority girl we all remember from college, we all remember 20 entitled, spoiled girls who had to pay for friends. There is a reason these Jezebel articles not only get written but are so popular.

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    1. And people like the entitled, spoiled girls are the reason women who have been in a sorority and have loved it have to work so much harder to be recognized! Trust me, it's an uphill battle every recruitment to get people to understand that we are not all like that.

      xo Madie

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    2. And for every 30 entitled, spoiled sorority girls, there are 20 entitled, spoiled girls who weren't in a sorority. Greek life hasn't cornered the market on superficiality, it's simply provided an easy way to blame an organization for the bad behavior of its members.

      Stereotyping sororities is a lazy way to complain about the bad behavior of young people who are living without supervision for the first time in their lives.

      For the record, I was in a sorority. And I am a feminist, and I didn't buy friends, and I never dressed up in an offensive costume. Perhaps I am a bitch, but that's who I am-- not the result of joining a sorority.

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    3. "And for every 30 entitled, spoiled sorority girls, there are 20 entitled, spoiled girls who weren't in a sorority. Greek life hasn't cornered the market on superficiality."

      True. But sorority girls often wear their letters or colors or whatever it is called when they publicly engage in entitled and spoiled behavior. Don't advertise your affiliation with a group if you don't want you behavior to be seen as a reflection of said group.

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  2. You are 23 years old, you publicly refer to yourself as a "girl," and you complain that you don't get any respect.

    Okay. Got it.

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    1. "Woman Named Fiddy" didn't have quite the same ring to it. ;)

      I never complained that I don't get any respect. I believe (for the most part) that I get the respect I earn. I'm open to the idea that I didn't express my ideas well enough to earn your respect, and for that I am sorry. This is, however, my opinion, and for that I am not sorry.

      Have a great rest of your day!
      xo Madie

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    2. Calling oneself a "Girl" should not have the SLIGHTEST bit of bearing on whether a person is treated with respect, and you're a bad person for thinking so.

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  3. This is hysterical - and posting it on Jezebel ensures more people coming in to point and laugh. Bad idea, lady, bad idea.

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    1. I have no problem with you disagreeing with me. I posted it because I think it's a side to the story that Jezebel hasn't been talking about, and I do think it's important to talk about. Point and laugh away, I don't take myself too seriously. ;)

      xo Madie

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    2. As one of the Jez commenters correctly pointed out: if it bothers you that sororities are perceived as all resembling the bad sororities, then you should be pointing the finger at bad sororities, not at news sites that find bad sororities amusing. Sororities that throw racist parties are the ones making you look bad, not Jezebel.

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    3. Anon: That's absolutely true; they are the "bad seeds" that make rules have to be changed or tightened because they couldn't be appropriate with their actions. Trust me, it's very frustrating.

      However, it bothers me when media outlets (yeah, even Jezebel) don't tell the full story or paint a picture of a group of people like only these bad people exist. We're already claiming that; we're the ones saying, "No, but really, that's not what we're like," and trying to get people to listen.

      xo Madie

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    4. But the thing is, nothing good that sororities do is particularly newsworthy. Blogs and other news outlets are more interested in bad news, or good news that's remarkable in some way. Regular ol' charity stuff that tons of organizations are doing every day isn't "news." So, in what way could or would Jezebel conceivably cover sororities positively?

      Ya might have to do something super-awesome in order to counteract the super-stupid stuff that actually makes news... and I don't really see that happening.

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  4. As a non-sorority/fraternity person, I'd like to put my snark aside and weigh in.

    I don't think Jezebel has a good reason to write up positive spins on sororities/fraternities. The fact is, they're fueled by traffic, and that ultimately, their demographic is an audience of people who would like to pick apart all things Greek. While it really is wonderful that you and your sisters give back, I do think that most sororities are full of people who are blissfully unself-aware of their privilege. Then again, society is full of people who are ignorant of their own privilege. So, the Greek system really isn't any better or worse--hazing incidents and under-reported sexual assault aside--than the real world.

    Still, those incidents, along with less ugly things, such as the now infamous email, stand out. Of course Jezebel's readership would be more interested in articles that call attention to the bad things. Of course it's more profitable and makes more sense for a site with the tone of Jezebel to throw some shade.

    To tie up my point, sororities, while they do lots of positive, aren't comprised of people who need protection. Historically and currently, figures show that there's a socio-economic "type" of person who is likelier to belong to a sorority, and with the exception of having a vag, there's not much in the way of obstacles for these girls and women. Corralling the masses to support the institute of the sorority seems like a silly task. Moreover, women who consider themselves feminists, are "different", or have been historically oppressed for their statuses, ethnicities, etc., any and everything, may hear your complaints as whining. Sororities are full of white educated upper middle class women who choose to participate in a system that is ridiculed for various reasons. You see where I'm going with this, right? It's not fair for me to assume that's all sororities, and that's all there is. But, the non-Greek identified public is hardly going to raise a flag for your cause of defending sororities, and our chuckling at email antics isn't going to cause upheaval on any front.

    I hope my point is clear.

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    1. I think this is a great point. The Greek system has been in existence for hundreds of years and is still going strong, despite continual criticism.

      That being said, I also think it is silly when people pile on to any article and attempt to extrapolate some deeper meaning. The woman who wrote the letter sounds awful. It doesn't mean that it is the result of the organizations she participates in. If she had been a girl scout, would be be blaming them for her conduct?

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  5. Good for you Madie. The people that complain about Greek life typically are ignorant. They are as stupid and ignorant as the stereotypes they make fun of.

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    1. People who find it offensive that sorority girls put on blackface are as bad as sorority girls in blackface?

      Ummmm....

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    2. Oh good, a sorority girl whose response is to call non-Greeks who criticize "Greek life" stupid and ignorant. Represent, girlfriend! You are the best of the best, I'm sure.

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    3. Let's all try and be respectful please. :) We don't need to insult Greeks or non-Greeks, regardless of if we disagree.

      xo Madie

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  6. Thanks for writing this. Jezebel's portrayal of Greek life is extremely one-sided. As a sorority woman, it drives me nuts to see all the positive aspects of Greek life consistently being diminished and getting overlooked. I work part-time to pay my own dues. I have gained leadership experience as a vice president of my chapter, participated in numerous community service and philanthropy events, and have had the opportunity to meet many amazing people throughout my time as a part of the Greek community at my school. Jezebel seems to think that all sorority girls are dumb, party-girl cookie-cutter clones, and that's just not true. My times with my sisters are some of my greatest memories and NEVER have I felt like I'm paying for my friends, as folks on Jezebel always seem to suggest. Any student organization has dues and I feel like I get my money's worth, as a sorority is an all-encompassing organization which is able to provide its members with a great variety of opportunities.

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    1. If this bothers you, I've got an idea: write a story about how great sororities are that anyone who isn't a member of a sorority would care enough to bother reading.

      Hear those crickets chirping?

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    2. Anon: How about this?

      http://girlnamedfiddy1.blogspot.com/2012/06/what-sorority-girls-really-do.html

      I mean, it's up to you if you want to read it or not. I won't be insulted if you don't. :)

      xo Madie

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    3. Ok... so the difference between sorority girls and other college girls is, your friendships center around an organization? I mean, it's not like other college girls don't have strong, deep friendships or meaningful experiences. It's just that yours happen in an oddly institutional context.

      Surely you see where 1) this doesn't help, 2) this still isn't interesting or newsworthy, and 3) this seems odd to people whose friendships are not institutional?

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    4. Sure! I don't claim to be better than anyone else because I'm a member a sorority; it doesn't mean that my friendships are any different or that I'm a nicer person. I loved being involved, but it's not like sororities are this magic place where perfection happens, haha. We're just like everyone else; we just chose to do it together, as sisters.

      I do understand that it can seem odd. My mom was in a sorority too, so I grew up knowing about them and seeing them as a very positive thing in her life. I'm sure if my mom had hated her experience or not been in one at all, I would have a very different perspective on the whole thing.

      I guess I don't understand where all the animosity for them comes from. I hear everyone saying that they're exclusive, which I do see and do understand. I think it works in the sense that 99% of girls who choose to pledge a sorority end up in that sorority. You wouldn't want to be in a club where you didn't have things in common. In a sorority, we think of the needs of the house and what would work best for all the girls involved. You can call is exclusivity, but it's really just trying to figure out where we fit in.

      xo Madie

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    5. Well... it is also an exclusive group composed almost entirely of white folks with lots of $$$. And that's going to naturally attract some gawking from the rest of us underlings in society. People love stories of privileged folks behaving badly; everyone loves to see people who have been placed above them knocked off of their pedestals. It's the same delight that people get out of picking on Lindsay Lohan or Gwyneth Paltrow.

      (And don't go saying "Oh, but I'm not rich or privileged!" Nobody ever thinks they're privileged. You are privileged. It doesn't make you a bad person. It's just reality. Deal with it.)

      I guess what I'd ask you to do here is to try and step outside of your own experience for a sec and see how other people see you. These organizations are weird, exclusive, and a bit mysterious, and they're only interesting when something goes wrong. Ergo the bad reputation and the animosity. Get it?

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    6. I would never DREAM of saying I wasn't priviledged, haha. I have been priviledged my entire life. Really, just growing up in America pretty much makes me priviledged. I have, exclusively, first-world problems.

      I really do see what you mean. A lot of other people have said similar things today on the post, and I promise, I'm listening and thinking about what's being said.

      At the same time, why don't other people try to see what I mean too? Why not consider my point of view instead of just dismissing it as "priviledged white-girl talk?" It may seem weird to someone not involved, but so does a lot of other stuff. Religious ceremonies might seem weird, but we don't dismiss them because we don't necessarily understand.

      xo Madie

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  7. I'm sure you've just opened yourself to the ire of some angry Jezzies, but I agree with you wholeheartedly....the negative behaviors being picked apart are NOT exclusive to the Greek System, nor are the stereotypes representative of all members of Greek Life. Furthermore, Greek Life at "party schools" is notably different than Greek Life at other universities and colleges - I went to a relatively small college, and our Greek System's members were generally campus leaders. Were there some people who fit the stereotype? Of course -- but there were also a ton of people who fit the stereotype that weren't even a part of Greek Life. My sorority membership (Delta Delta Delta) has allowed me to be a part of something bigger than myself whilst cultivating leadership skills and friendships, yet (even as an alumna) I constantly find myself defending my organization and sisters to people who have never even met them. It's annoying to have to explain to everyone that incredulously asks, "YOU were in a SORORITY?!?!" that ::patient smile:: "No, seriously, it wasn't like THAT..."

    I know some incredible people who are alumnae of sororities and fraternities...the few people that I know who fit the stereotypes are just, unfortunately, the ones who make the most noise and get noticed. They absolutely do NOT represent the reality of sororities and fraternities.

    Thanks for speaking up!

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  8. Thank you Madie for writing this. My chapter nationally puts on a Fat Talk Free Week to try and fight negative body image. We also raise millions of dollars a year for St. Jude. The Greeks on my campus are involved in every aspect of campus life, our men even put on a "Walk a mile in her shoes" to raise awareness for Violence against women.

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    1. Do you have a lot of fat members?

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    2. Anon: I'm assuming you're trying to troll, but I'll reply anyway.

      I'm sure what she meant is that a lot of women, regardless of size, are used to the idea of tearing themselves down - like calling themselves ugly or "fat." The idea of "Fat Talk Free Week" seems to be that the girls are discouraged from using that kind of harmful language, not only about themselves but about other girls. I think that sounds really, really cool Jami. Thanks for sharing. :)

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  9. Jezebel thrives on negativity and snark with the pretense of moral superiority. Jezebel finds bottom barrel trash and passes it off as how people in the particular group are, reinforcing stereotypes. (Everyone loves when stereotypes are true.) They won't change their views on Greek life. It's their job to find scum and make fun of it, all for the enjoyment of their readers. (Try reading the site from a male perspective... the pure male bashing on how perverted/misogynistic/abusive/moronic we all are is sickening, but I know it's pointless to ask them stop.) Do some serious self-reflection on your media consumption.

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    1. I guarantee you, if you really think a significant portion of Jezebel's comments and articles are bashing males, you've never read more than a couple of posts. And I'll also bet big money the material you did actually read was merely to support your well-entrenched views. Frankly, I can't think of ANY other person who needs to do some "serious self-reflection" than someone who reads a female centered website simply to reinforce their anger against women.

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    2. I have no anger towards women and I'm not a regular Jezebel reader. (Sometimes sites link to an article, then I visit the homepage and I'm disgusted by the content.)

      Jezebel is trashy journalism. Anyone who takes trashy journalism seriously needs self-reflection.

      I'll end with this feminist article (since I do like to read insightful feminists blogs):

      Fuck No Jezebel: Post-Feminist Bullshit at its Finest

      http://firesunderground.wordpress.com/2011/01/07/fuck-no-jezebel-post-feminist-bullshit-at-its-finest/

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  10. Came here from your link on Jezebel. I'm guessing that you might be a Pi Phi since you mentioned reading with local 3rd graders. So from one Pi Phi to (possibly!) another - thank you for this blog!

    I've worked a few nonprofits focused on women's issues since graduating college. At one, a female colleague told "I wish you hadn't told me you were in a sorority" - and it is SO frustrating to be up against that stereotype. That was even months and months after I started working with her. My chapter, like yours, is not the problem/crazy chapter Jezebel loves holding up as the sorority standard; my chapter helped make me a leader and helped make me MORE of a feminist, not less. To see such universal spurning is frustrating, but thank you for helping to illustrate the whole picture.

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    1. I am a Pi Phi, it's so cool that you could tell! :) PPL! <3

      Thank you (and everyone else who has been encouraging) for your support. I really am reading and thinking about the negative comments too, but the positive ones make my day. As I said on Facebook earlier, getting thanked for sticking up for sororities and Greek life makes every negative comment worth it a hundred times over. I'm not good at keeping my mouth shut when I think something needs to be said, and even if people don't agree, I'm still glad I said it. I'm very proud of my sorority in particular, but also all the good that sororities and fraternities are able to do!

      xo Madie

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    2. Well I was philanthropy chair my junior/senior year, so CAR was kind of my jam! Keep up all the good work. PPL!

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    3. Haha I was the Philanthropy chair my sophomore/junior year! :) Thank you for everything you've done for Pi Phi! <3 PPL!

      xo Madie

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  11. This is an interesting issue. Coming from Canada where sororities aren't as big I can't really speak from any experience. I do want to say though that I read almost all the comments after your post on Jezebel and I admire your positive attitude and communication style. Having just graduated law school myself I think your open mindedness and search for common ground will serve you well! All the best!

    Ali

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  12. I came here to comment because I really don't want to go through the trouble of making a Jezebel account just for uninformed people to call me and my sisters 'cunts'. But I wanted to lend you my support!

    I'm a Canadian sorority sister, so I know our system is a bit more laid-back than yours, but joining my sorority has been an amazing experience! I'm finishing up my B.A. in Women and Gender Studies, and readily identify as a feminist. I was President of my high school's student council, and founded/took part in about 6 or 8 other clubs/non-profits/societies ... when I came to university I was a bit lost on how to get involved. My sorority allows me to take on leadership positions, continuously give back to my community, and connect with a bunch of like-minded and ambitious women. We raise thousands of dollars each year for multiple charities, and are very involved in our university's student unions and governments.

    From my pledge class, and the classes above and below me, we have women who are: in med school, in law school, getting their Master's degrees in Poli Sci and Journalism. My sisters have gone on to work for Oxfam, Engineers Without Borders, and national political parties. I am very proud to call myself a sorority woman.

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    1. Me again! Just a few things I forgot to write in my original post.

      We're not: a bunch of over-privileged white women. Yes, some of us are white. Yes, most of us are quite privileged. But we accept everyone who shares our goals (regardless of race, religion, background, etc), and have always offered financial help to those sisters who need it.

      We're not: paying for our friends. As an Executive of my sorority, I've previously helped to draft our budget, which is always presented for a chapter vote before being set. I know exactly where my money is going, and can afford my year's sorority dues with 4 or 5 days of work.

      We're not: a cult that's going to alienate you if you decide to leave. Sometimes women have extenuating circumstances, and need to take a leave of absence, or end their membership. Of the few girls who have taken this route, we're all extremely close to them regardless. They're still invited to our open events, we meet for coffee and movies just like regular friends, and still lean on each other for support.

      Okay, I *think* that's all now ... :)

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  13. I just want to say that Greek life is different on different campuses. I have plenty of friends involved in Greek Life both on my campus and on other campuses, and their experiences vary greatly. At some schools, Fraternities and Sororities are awesome places where people go to make great friends, connections, and experiences. They do all of the great things that you mentioned and more. At other schools, including mine, Fraternities and Sororities represent the worst aspects of college life. Overwhelmingly, fraternity brothers on my campus are sexist pigs who don't hear no very well, if they hear it at all. To give you a recent example of horrendous greek activity, recently a fraternity brother attempted to murder a girl at a party (I've heard rumors it was because she refused to have sex with him). When my friend and I had heard that he was arrested, my friend (a kind, generous sorority girl) said, "but he's so nice!" Over 50 people witnessed him strangling her (to be fair his brothers saved her life by pulling him off of her), but my otherwise sane, rational friend refused to believe that he was capable because he was a brother. People in fraternities and sororities are not necessarily mean,evil, or bad, in fact they can be and are some of the best people I know. It's the culture (of silence, of brotherhood, etc.) that causes problems. I suggest you read Michael Kimmel's book, Guyland (especially the chapter on Predatory Sex and Party Rape, the subsection "Greeks and Jocks"). He describes why single gender bonding organizations are risky at best, and absolutely horrendous at worst better than I ever can. I'm pretty damn sure that's why Jezebel seems to have a problem with Greek life.

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  14. It might have been on gawker but there was a story about a fraternity raising money for a sex change for a member

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  15. Really loved this read! It's nice to see a positive write up about greek life. During my University years we did a lot of good in the community through volunteering and philanthropic events. I never once even received a hateful or mean letter like the one's popping up online. Each sorority is different and it does really hurt when people group us all as one based off the mistakes from one person or sorority. The U.S is different from state to state and even city to city. There are hundreds of sororities out there with tons of chapters or 'houses' on campuses all over the U.S! - Dinnie

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    1. Dinnie -

      Thank you so much for your response! I know exactly what you mean - we had SAE's on campus who I loved with all my heart. They were some of my best friends and seriously great guys. At other campuses in Iowa, the SAE's were assholes, haha. Same thing with my sorority. Just because there are bad eggs doesn't mean that we should judge all people involved in Greek life by those people.

      As for the other responses, we're all capable of bad things. I would never have disbelieved something just because my sister was invovled though. They're human, haha. My sisters have messed up just like everyone else. Sisterhood or brotherhood shouldn't be about ignoring the bad things that your family does just because they're family.

      Dynamics vary greatly on different campuses. At my school, the guys on the football team or invovlved in sports were much wore likely to be assholes than the fraternity guys. My issue with the Jezebel articles weren't that the issues weren't important to discuss - it just felt (to me, mind you) that it became a sorority witch-hunt, with all the commentary being along the lines of, "ISN'T THIS BAAAD? But of course it's bad, because it involved sororities."

      All I'm asking for is open minds and hearts. I understand that not everyone's going to be open to that, and I'm strangely okay with that, haha. I'm just really glad that people had the opportunity to see a different point of view. :)

      xo Madie

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