Kindness

Someone told me last weekend that I was an exceptionally kind person, and it was basically the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. I have always wanted to be a kind person. I don't know if I've been working on how I treat other people or if she was just being nice, but regardless, it meant a lot to me.

I had a dream the other night that I yelled at someone I know. Everything I said was true, but even as I said it in the dream, I felt guilty. I didn't feel better for telling this person how I really felt about them - I felt worse. There was no joy in hurting this person's feelings. However much I wanted to say those things, however deserved they might have been, I felt like a lesser person having said them.

I'm really bad at cutting people out of my life - no matter how much they "deserve" it or how toxic the relationship is - because I feel so guilty hurting other people's feelings. I try and give people second (and third, and fourth) chances. I believe people can change if they want to. 

This concept is one of the most important things to me about being a Christian - If we are forgiven, what excuse do I have for not forgiving other people, especially those who hurt me? I don't try to be kind because I have to, like God's going to smite me if I don't - I try to be kind because it's the right thing to do.

It's really freaking hard to be kind in a time that tells us that cutthroat people are the ones who succeed. At law school, I hear stories about people in big firms who basically have to back-stab their way to the top, who use office politics to get ahead. I hear stories about other law students throwing each other under the bus to make themselves look smarter. And you know what? It's just not worth it.

What's the point of sitting at the top of the world if you've got blood on your hands? What's the point of being rich if you had to ruin peoples' lives to get there? What's the point of getting a promotion if you threw a "friend" under the bus?

In no fathomable way am I innocent of doing stuff like this too. I'm not a saint. And more than anything else, I do little things on accident that hurt people all of the time. We all do - but that doesn't mean we should give up trying to be kind.

Do you think it's important to be kind?